St Augustine had it right, our hearts are restless until they rest in God. So then, why do
expect others – particularly romantic partners – to fit the God-shaped space in our hearts?
All relationships require patience. A lot of it. And that’s before we unintentionally place the
expectation on the other that they will fill the hole in our soul, the restlessness that they were
never designed to fill.
In other words, no one else will ever ‘complete’ you. It is both unfair and unrealistic to expect
that they can. It doesn’t matter how many implausible rom-coms you watch, this remains
unchanged.
You see, when we expect some one to ‘complete’ us we expect them to be perfect and to
love us as perfectly as God does, to support us unconditionally, and always in every
circumstance put our needs ahead of their own.
Spoiler alert: you’re going to be disappointed. And so are they. As fearfully and wonderfully
made as you are, you are still human. Still susceptible to sin. Imperfect.
You’re never going to meet some one else’s unrealistic expectations, and they’re never
going to meet all of yours.
But that doesn’t mean that all is lost, that relationships aren’t worth the effort. They are, but
they will require more patience than we’d like to think. Patience with the other, and with
ourselves.
Complete, compete
Contrary to popular belief, there’s no war of the sexes. At least, there shouldn’t be. God
made man and woman in His image and likeness. He may have used Adam’s rib in His
creation of Eve, but this didn’t render her worth, value or dignity inferior to Adam’s.
Through our human imperfection this inherent equality has been tarnished, ignored or,
worse, scorned. There are many assaults on true masculinity – think toxic masculinity and
the emasculation and bumbling ineptitude of father figures in popular culture. Just as there
are many assaults on true femininity – think radical feminism and contraceptive mindsets.
These do not change the reality that men and women are equal. Equal worth, equal dignity,
and yet beautifully unique. There is no need to bring one gender down in order to elevate the
other. True femininity and masculinity bring out the best in the other, not a competitive spirit
that seeks to destroy the other.
Compliment, but with an ‘e’
God did not offer Eve as a ‘complimentary’ human, as one might be offered a complimentary
beverage at a formal function. Nor did He create Eve to ‘compliment’ Adam, or vice versa.
As an aside though, a compliment or two in any relationship is always welcome.
Like Anne with an ‘e’ (if you’ve ever read Anne of Green Gables you saw that literary
reference coming from a mile away) a difference in spelling embraces a whole new meaning.
God made Adam and Eve to be complementary. Male and female complement the other.
This is why: “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and
they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
And that is precisely why God designed us the way that He did. Not to complete the other,
substituting human for the divine, nor to compete against each other in a war of attrition
based on gender differences. No, He created us to complement each other.
A good relationship encourages the good in the other, enables them to grow and bloom. It
helps them to unleash their unique capacity upon the world.
It’s a friendship of goodness. And it’s cultivated by patience.
Written by Emily Shaw
VM Writer and Graphic Designer. Wife of one, mother of 8. Tackling growth in virtue one (baby) step at a time.