SFMO – Sadness From Missing Out this Valentines day

Sadness on Valentines Day

I recently came across one of those motivational quotes for Valentines day that made me raise an eye brow. 

‘’Blocking Happy couples on Valentines Day is self-care’

Man, there’s a lot of positive messages out there for those facing SFMO – Sadness from missing out, and encouraging people to remember we are loved beyond measure. It’s a good thing. BUT we do have to be careful about the messages we consume. Exhibit A above

At first, perhaps you see nothing wrong with it, and I don’t have anything against doing what you need to do for self-care either. Our life is a gift, and its our responsibility to take care of it. Self-care starts with being truthful and honest with ourselves about what’s really going on.

If we’re blocking happy couples (at any point never mind Valentines day) because we’re not able to cope with seeing their happiness, joy and the gift of relationship they have and hold; then let’s accept that we’re wounded here. Whenever we block the gift of another in our life, it’s an indication to us that our wounds are not simply superficial. When someone has hurt us and we block them (in various ways), it’s because we were wounded and blocking has become our method to not allow that wound to reoccur. If this is how we handle people who have hurt us, why do we handle those who have not, in a similar manner?
Because we feel hurt by what they possess, and may feel unable to give what they deserve, our reciprocal delight in their joy. This is not a superficial wound. This is a deep one.

It’s ok if we’re not in a place to delight in their joy, but simply blocking them out is not the answer. Blocking a happy couple is like placing a band aid on a broken limb and calling it self-care. The band aid works if it’s a cut on a superficial wound. Eg. If you’re quite happy seeing your friends celebrate Valentines day, but all the PDA photos just isn’t what you’d like to be consuming all weekend because you don’t want to know the details about everyone, you’d rather just like to hear from the ones closest to you; then by all means just step away from social media for the weekend and focus on other things, until you catch up with your friends again. After all, life is more than media.

BUT with a wound like a broken bone, we will need something better, and stronger than a band aid to begin the healing process. That’s what real self-care is. Self-care is about doing what is necessary to be rested, recharged and reinvigorated to take on life. Blocking is closer to avoidance than it is to being reinvigorated.

If this is you, let’s just admit it:

‘I am wounded here’. Read it again ‘I am wounded here.’

Now we can begin to be more constructive.
‘What is the wound we’re dealing with?’ – ask yourself questions like these,

–          Why is it so hard for me to see these people so happy?

–          What does someone else’s relationship happiness mean for me?

–          Do I feel less than these people because I’m not in a relationship?

–          Am I afraid that I will not be loved?

–          Do I long for a relationship that doesn’t exist right now or used to exist?

–          Am I tired and frustrated of waiting to enter into a relationship?

And when you’ve answered these, ask yourself:

–          ‘Why?’ do I feel this way? What contributes to this feeling?

NOW, take it to God and ask him to show you the answer to these questions in relation to Him. He knows the deep desires of your heart, don’t fake it. Be honest with him and tell him how it is right now, and ask him to speak truth into that and to help you heal.

NOT ‘Lord, heal and transform the situation’ but instead Lord, heal and transform my heart’

So instead of blocking the people in our life because we cannot bare their delight, lets just step away from the media flood for the remainder of the weekend and do something that helps us heal our wounds instead. Talk to God, Pray, surround yourself with friends or with people who are living life to the full, ask other single people who live life with joy how they cope with this weekend, invite other Christians in to be the instrument God uses to speak truth into your heart. AND after the weekend, find ways to be a gift to the happy couple in your life that you may have otherwise blocked today. Their joy is not meant to wound you, its meant to be a gift from God to remind you of the love He has for you, and has always had for you. Although right now it may be painful, allow their delight to help bring your wounds to the surface so that you can place it at the foot of the cross, and watch God begin to heal the pain.

Praying for your healing at this time,

My love and prayers assured,
Stina. C

Stina was born and raised a Norwegian and completed her Bachelor of Psychology and Master of Social Work in Australia. She is the former Young Female Ambassador for Wagga Wagga, NSW. Stina currently works with both separated families as well as supporting families with children diagnosed with cancer and other life threatening illnesses.

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