This blog is an article for the Together Paper of Wagga Wagga Diocese March Edition.
Like me, you might have initially considered that Saint John the Evangelist was almost
boastful in his descriptions of himself as the disciple Jesus loved. I mean, Jesus loved all of
the disciples, right?
Yes, He did. And does.
John’s description of himself is not so much as boasting or pride, but rather, his identity
statement. He is the disciple Jesus loved. He is loved by Jesus and it is through that lens
that he can see his own worth in the eyes of God.
No other part of his identity is so important. Yes, he is the son of Zebedee, the brother of
James. He’s one of the sons of Thunder, a fisherman turned disciple. A former follower of
Saint John the Baptist, who found the Messiah.
And the Messiah loves him.
Identity: truth or lie?
Identity statements can be tricky.
In the realm of human formation, particularly when we’re trying to heal our inner wounds, we
consider our identity. The sad thing is that for many of us, our identity is not as fruitful as
John’s is. For most of us, our identity has been corroded by our sinful human nature, and
those around us.
This consequence of our fallen nature means that the way we see ourselves is skewed. Our
perception of our worthiness, or unworthiness as the case may be, is not rooted in our true
identity as a child of God.
We find ourselves triggered by certain situations, or actions of others, often without
understanding why what happened was so hurtful.
Part of this problem is that most of us never take the time to consider our true identity, our
core belief about ourselves. Until recently, I was one of those people. Thankfully formation
inside of Virtue Ministry has changed that.
Honestly though, in order to uncover your identity statement or belief, you will need to be
vulnerable and honest. And patient with yourself.
Then, you’ll see how the Master of Lies has confused you.
Instead of seeing ourselves as a child of God, in a more than surface level way, we might
consider that: ‘I am only loved because of what I do’, “I am not worthy because I carry the
shame of a trauma that happened to me long ago,’ and many others besides. The major
problem here is that we start considering our self-worth as something that we have to earn,
or forfeit as the case may be. We question how much God could love us when we are so full
of shame.
These identity statements are lies. There’s no other way to describe them.
You cannot possibly do ‘all the things’ and make people, and/or God love and understand
you. You are not unloveable because you are flawed, or have been broken by other people’s
treatment of you. You, in all of your flawed humanity are loved.
Like John, you are beloved.
Yes, you are the disciple that God loves. Present tense.
What you must understand, is that there is nothing you do to ‘earn’ God’s love, just as there
is nothing you can do to ‘lose’ God’s love.
I’m not kidding.
Certainly, you can reject God’s love, He will not ‘make’ you love Him.
He extends His love to you, and you have the free will to accept it, or not.
He desires you to love Him so much that He gave His only Son to die for you – yes, you – on
the cross. He’s given you an apostolic Church with its associated liturgies, prayers and
sacraments so that you can acquire the graces you need to fully accept your place as
belonging to Him.
As we kick off Lent, I’d like to turn your gaze to the depth of His love for you, with the help of
Saint Teresa of Calcutta: “When you look at the crucifix, you understand how much Jesus
loved you. When you look at the Sacred Host you understand how much Jesus loves you
now.”
Written by Emily Shaw
VM Writer and Graphic Designer.
Wife of one, mother of 8. Tackling growth in virtue one (baby) step at a time.