Week 3: Modesty
For this particular week, I was really focusing on moderation and humility rather than modesty as necessarily ‘pulling back’ or ‘hiding’. A false perception of modesty can have us hiding our goodness, our beauty, gifts and talents and the reflections of God that we may possess in word, deed and appearance as well. It was important to have the correct perception.
And so rather than thinking too much about, “Am I dressed modestly? Am I speaking modestly?” I was really thinking, “How do I moderate what I’m saying? Or how do I moderate how I show up in my presentation? Or how do I moderate the way that I’m thinking about any given thing?”
I think the biggest thing that needed to be anchored for me was humility. And I don’t know if any of us are very good at humility. I’m certainly not. So it was really hard to find that moderation whilst trying to remain humble whilst also not hiding the goodness, beauty, gifts or talents that God has given me, that He’s asked of me to share with others and while ever doing so, ensuring to the best of my ability, I’m trying to glorify God in that and not glorify myself.
It is not only a consideration of “Are we presenting ourselves the best that we can with the excellence of love that we can”, but also, “Are we helping the other person receive us in that way?” But the problem is we don’t have a lot of control over that. That will depend on how they see us.
We can influence how they see us, but we can’t actually control other people’s perceptions. So it became a matter of “what can I do to try and present myself in a way that I’m received as I am truthfully, and as I’m trying to be in both strength and weakness, rather than being misperceived from a lack of consideration on my part”.
The biggest opportunity to really hone in on this concept during this time, especially in speech and in manner, was the multi-faith dialogue on mental health. Having this opportunity to be a part of a panel and with modesty as my virtue of the week, I questioned myself on two points.
#1 Attire/Presence.
The questions I pondered included: “Am I showing up as a Christian would in my attire? Can someone look at me and consider ‘she might be a Christian.’ Was my presence and introduction congruent to being a disciple of Christ?
#2 Manner.
Was I interacting with people, even as I walked into the room – being tall and with confidence, but not with pride. Was I perceived and felt like someone who is secure in her faith, not because of anything I’ve done, but because of how great my God is? Rather than being prideful, it was the thought of walking with strength that only God provides.
#3 Respect.
When I was being asked to speak, I was careful to ensure that I was respectful of the others who were on the panel. Being respectful of the people who are asking questions, while also being very truthful about the Christian faith and wanting to ensure that I represent Christ truly as I know Him.
Modesty in this scenario was a battle sitting on that panel, being moderate and respectful, restraining the urge to grab the microphone at every question with an eager answer wanting to share the Christian perspective. There was no moderator for the discussion component, so I found myself questioning when it was the correct and fair time to speak, and working as a team to spread the discussion evenly. If I was too ‘held back’ in the name of modesty, I’d not have any clear given chance, so learning that modesty can come with forthrightness and confidence when the time is right, was a part of the process. I learnt to be really attuned to God’s call in that room, in dialogue with God, asking Him to guide me. Even when a question from the audience wasn’t answered, that I could have answered, I let it go, as we moved onto another question. I let it go, in my plight for modesty, but when the question returned because others had noticed it wasn’t answered, I knew that was a time to speak. God was giving me the opportunity – I knew then when those who had tried to report to it but hadn’t directly answered the question, that my direct response and perspective was needed and this was not a time for withdrawing. It was a gift to see that unfold, and God will not waste an opportunity if you are praying to be His instrument, especially in the plight of modesty and humility. – Stina
Stina’s latest reflection on modesty was a breath of fresh air for me. I went into this reflection not knowing which angle she would take, nor how it was going to resonate with freshness for me, as someone who has dug deep into the modesty topic regarding what to wear, and more importantly, the posture of the heart. Stina came at a fresh, mature angle of what modesty actually can look like for you. Modesty is a virtue of humility and moderation, and when you think of it like that, there are SO many applications and ways we can see and strive to be modest in our daily life. Modesty is not false humility, it is not prudishness either. A truly modest person is someone we could consider as a ‘decent human being’ – ‘a good egg’ as my friends call each other. We care about others in the room, by the way we dress, speak and behave. Modesty allows us to give and hold space for one another. It’s a virtue that when truly grasped reflects beauty and truth onto others around us, because there is no space for selfishness, vanity, pridefulness or arrogance. Through Stina’s story, we also learn how it allows us to know our strengths, but not to flaunt them, and allows us to be a true instrument of glorifying God as we wait for Him to reveal the correct moments when to speak, or shine a light. There is so much we can learn from the virtue of modesty and after reading Stina’s reflection, I was so inspired to apply it every day and write this spiel for you! – Grace F
Written by Stina Constantine
Founder of Virtue Ministry and keynote speaker
Co-written by Grace Feltoe
Social Media Marketer and Administration Assistant