Virtue in Family & Romantic Relationships

Purity in heart, Love in action: Strengthening family & Romance

Purity is often misunderstood, reduced to mere physical boundaries. But true purity is much deeper—it’s rooted in our hearts. It’s a way of living that honors the dignity of both individuals in a relationship. It’s about self-control, respect, and love that seeks the good of the other rather than personal gratification.

A friend once described their dating experience as a journey of learning what true love looks like. At first, they saw purity as just a set of rules—what they could or couldn’t do. Over time, they realized purity wasn’t about restrictions; it was about freedom. Freedom to love rightly, to see the other person clearly, and to build a relationship founded on respect and virtue.

Back when we focused on youth ministry, questions about purity in dating were common—mostly, “How far is too far?” The reality is, purity is deeper than boundaries. It’s about why we love. The crux of purity is to love someone as God loves them, not just how they tell us to love them or how we feel like loving them. Love must align with why and how God calls us to love.

The Gift of Chastity in Romantic Relationships

Chastity isn’t about avoiding something—it’s about choosing something greater. It protects love from selfishness and helps relationships flourish. It allows couples to develop emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy before engaging in physical intimacy. If physical intimacy comes first, it can cloud the other areas, making it harder to see the person clearly.

Practical Steps to Growth:

• View Purity as a Positive Choice: See purity as a gift, not a burden. It’s a path that leads to deeper love and trust.
• Commit to Virtuous Dating: Approach dating with the mindset of loving the person well in this state of life AND in discerning marriage, rather than casual attachment.
• Pray for Strength in Purity: Ask God for the grace to pursue chastity in your relationships.

Reflection Question: How does your view of purity affect the way you approach relationships?

Boundaries That Protect Love

Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining purity—not just in romantic relationships, but in family life too. Boundaries aren’t about fear or legalism but about creating space for love to grow in the right way. They protect individuals from emotional and physical harm.

In families, emotional boundaries could mean a parent not oversharing with their child, while physical boundaries might involve siblings respecting each other’s personal space. Violating these boundaries can cause harm, frustrating the purity of heart that God intends in these relationships.

Practical Steps to Growth:

• Define Your Boundaries Together: Discuss and determine what physical and emotional boundaries align with family values and faith.
• Avoid Situations of Temptation: Be mindful of environments that make it harder to uphold purity of heart.
• Surround Yourself with Support: Have trusted friends or mentors who encourage you in living out purity of heart.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” (Matthew 5:8). How does purity help us see love more clearly?

Purity in Marriage: A Lifelong Commitment

Purity doesn’t end at marriage—it transforms. In marriage, purity means remaining faithful in heart, mind, and body. It’s about loving selflessly and keeping God at the center.

Practical Steps to Growth:

• Prioritize Prayer as a Couple: Invite God into your relationship daily.
• Guard Your Heart and Mind: Be aware of distractions or influences that could damage trust and intimacy.
• Continue to Cultivate Virtuous Love: Keep learning how to love each other well, even after marriage.

Reflection Question: How does purity help strengthen love in both dating and marriage?

Overcoming Challenges to Purity

Choosing purity isn’t always easy. Culture promotes instant gratification and casual romance. But love that is patient and pure is far more fulfilling.

Practical Steps to Growth:

• Recognize the Cultural Lies: Challenge the idea that purity is outdated or unnecessary.
• Seek Accountability: Walk this journey with others who encourage you in virtue.
• Remember the Goal: Purity is not just about saying “no” to something, but about saying “yes” to love that lasts.

Although all saints in heaven possess purity of heart, some went further by vowing virginity. St. Maria Goretti exemplified this kind of purity, not only in her vow to remain God’s alone but in how she forgave and prayed for her attacker. Her story reminds us that purity extends beyond physical actions—it’s a virtue of the heart.

Purity and True Freedom

Many think purity is restrictive, but it’s actually about freedom—the freedom to love rightly, without selfishness. Choosing purity builds relationships founded on trust, respect, and genuine love.

Practical Steps to Growth:

• Examine Your Relationship Goals: Are you seeking what is good, true, and beautiful in love?
• Ask for God’s Grace: Rely on prayer and the sacraments to strengthen your commitment to purity.
• Live Purity Beyond Romance: Purity of heart extends to how we treat others, not just in dating but in all relationships.

Reflection Question: How can you embrace purity in your own relationships today?

Purity in relationships isn’t about limitations—it’s about choosing what is best for ourselves and those we love. It is a virtue that upholds dignity, strengthens love, and leads to lasting joy.

If you want to know more read our previous blog – Virtue Challenge -Purity