Be the person you want to date

Modern dating culture is a minefield. It’s a maze of do’s and don’ts, will’s and won’ts, should’s and shouldn’ts. There’s so much to weigh up and everyone seems to have their own standards of what is and isn’t ok. Even within friend and faith circles, you will find opinions and standards differ.

This can make an already stressful and vulnerable scenario seem all the more daunting. It can be difficult to know where to start.

Even when you think you know what you’re looking for, people will always surprise you, even the person you fall in love with. 

And so I think it’s also a minefield when it comes to seeking and taking advice about dating. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, but it does mean you will be bombarded with opinions  that can also be misguided or informed by some very negative experiences.

So I won’t claim to be love guru or tell you the secret to “finding the one”. But I will offer some friendly advice about how you can approach life and, subsequently, your dating life.

Be the person you want to date.

There’s a good chance the person you end up dating will be more abundant in some virtues than you and struggle more with certain vices than you, but that’s not the point. Being the person you want to date means striving towards the traits you find desirable and admirable in another. 

If you’d like to be with someone who is disciplined, work on self discipline.

If you’d like to be with somone who prioritises their faith, prioritise your faith.

If you’d like to be with someone who values family, value your family.

You will probably find some traits harder than others but it is really as simple as the old saying, ‘birds of a feather flock together’.

Your vibe attracts your tribe and the virtues you choose to prioritise will be evident to those around you, including those you attract.

This can have comforting and disheartening results.

You may find that prioritising certain virtues distances you from someone you were interested in – don’t see this as a loss, see it as a bullet you dodged. 

What is the point of being with someone who doesn’t value the virtues and traits that you do?

Disagreements and differences will come on their own without you creating a recipe for them and striving to be the person you want to date doesn’t mean you’ll marry a carbon copy of yourself. You will find whoever you end up with, no matter your similarities, will have an abundance of differences to you – we are all so uniquely created!

By prioritising virtues you value, you will find yourself grow as an individual, you will be more content with the person you are striving to be and you will be more ok with the fact that you may not attract people who don’t have the same prioities as you.

At the same time, you will attract those who do.

You may have heard of the idea that two people running towards the same goal will run in to eachother. Cliché, right? Maybe. But it’s the ideal foundation for a relationship when that goal is a good life. Because you won’t look back to all those could-have-been relationships. You’ll only be looking forward to a journey with someone who shares yours dreams and goals.

Elise Drum

Elise is a 4th Year Medical student from rural NSW who enjoys a variety of sports and being outdoors. She also loves food but when it comes to cooking – she claims to burn water.

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