This blog is an article for the Together Paper of Wagga Wagga Diocese June Edition.
Flexibility is often misunderstood to mean “adapt to what’s before you.” This is not the entire message. Our culture would have us believe that the flexible person is simply able to sway with whatever is happening around them. If someone expresses an opinion I deem harmful, the culture often encourages tolerance and acceptance rather than dialogue, understanding and, where necessary, correction.
As Christians, we are better off to understand flexibility as the capacity to bend towards what is good in every situation. Flexibility is not about abandoning principles or compromising truth. Rather, it is the ability to recognise the good available to us, and to allow ourselves to be bent towards it, not breaking, even when circumstances change unexpectedly.
If a long-awaited event that I have purchased tickets for is cancelled at the last minute, flexibility is less about whether I withhold being upset and more about whether I can bend towards the good that remains. What does this now afford me? Can I use the refund elsewhere? Can I still take the weekend away? What might God be offering me through this unexpected change?
Flexibility is essential for developing the muscle of resilience. We can sometimes fall into the trap of believing resilience means simply suffering and taking one hit after another. This is not the case. Resilience is our ability to get back up when we have been knocked down. It is not the suffering itself; it is our capacity to recover, adapt and continue moving towards the good.
Our ability to bend towards what is good helps us avoid two extremes: remaining down when God is calling us to rise again, or getting back up driven by anger, bitterness or vengeance. Unless it is genuinely good for us to remain where we are for a time, God continually invites us to stand up with Him and continue forward.
As a therapist, I see flexibility exercised most clearly in newly married couples. The level of flexibility required for two lives to become truly intertwined is nothing short of grace in action. The more flexible the couple, the easier they will find it to bring their two lives together as one, rather than living parallel in many aspects of their lives for several years.
This becomes even more evident when children arrive. Parents must learn to be flexible not only towards one another, but also towards these new and vulnerable lives entrusted to them by God. Each child comes with their own wants, needs and personality. They cannot yet bend towards our good; we must learn to bend towards theirs.
Another place I regularly see flexibility exercised is in grandparents. When grandchildren arrive, it can be tempting for grandparents to become critical of how their adult children are raising their families. Yet flexibility allows us to recognise that first-time parents are learning too. Constant criticism rarely leads to growth; more often it creates distance.
When grandparents instead focus on the gift before them, the joy of being grandparents rather than parents, they often become one of the greatest assets to both generations. They are able to offer support, wisdom and encouragement that strengthens the adult children while building genuine and lasting relationships with their grandchildren.
Looking for the good in unexpected circumstances recently included an invitation to join live radio with Fr Toby Lees OP from the United Kingdom. A part-Aussie himself, though now thoroughly integrated into England, Fr Toby hosted a marathon of Australian-born initiatives and guests. I had the pleasure of joining immediately after a dear friend of our ministry, Anna Krohn.
Fr Toby and I spoke about my personal story, the work of Virtue Ministry, and eventually found ourselves deep in conversation about relationships. We explored the phrase “toxic people,” the speed at which modern relationships are often abandoned and even managed a brief discussion about Norwegian food before Fr Toby headed to my birth country on pilgrimage and to meet Bishop Erik Varden.
Opportunities such as these often arrive unexpectedly, and flexibility allows us to recognise the good that God is offering in new seasons. Yet flexibility is not only required when something new begins. It is also required when something good comes to its natural end.
One of the ways we have been called to practise flexibility this year has been in recognising the goodness of the Living Fullness Podcast whilst also acknowledging that we have reached its natural limits. After nine seasons, Padre and I recorded our final episode this month.
The journey has been one of learning on the go. It has required patience, perseverance and a great deal of trust. It has also strengthened our friendship in ways neither of us anticipated. Thank you, Padre, for the generosity, wisdom, humour and support you have offered Virtue Ministry and our listeners over so many years. We pray God continues to bless your priesthood abundantly.
While one podcast ends, our collaboration certainly does not. Both Padre and I continue to serve in areas that God has uniquely entrusted to us, and the next chapter will allow us to focus even more intentionally on the work we have each been called to do, which will include a different kind of podcast and resource.
Flexibility ultimately reminds us that God is always at work. Some seasons begin unexpectedly. Others end quietly. Some require us to adapt, while others require us to let go. In every case, the invitation remains the same: bend towards the good, and trust that God is already there waiting for us.
Written by Stina Constantine
Founder and Speaker of Virtue Ministry