Stina shared three key experiences in her week as she took on the virtue of poise.
She had three very different scenarios that gave thought where I could improve poise or I was already implementing poise myself. Some key words to maintain poise we can take into our daily life is being deliberate, slow and balanced.
Week Five – Poise
I began by focussing on what it is to be classy and elegant in relation to poise. I was really thinking about the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate and, Leonor, Princess of Spain. I was really thinking about them and the way they carry themselves. I was thinking about royalty, but also this sense that there is this steadiness to being poised and an internal balance fitting a certain composure. Thinking about royalty and the way that they hold themselves in public, despite probably knowing some of the stresses that their country carries and the political feuds that happen between their representative country and other politicians etc, provided a certain imagery I was really sitting with. Rather than thinking of it in a suppressive approach, I was considering how to hold myself in a dignified way, as a means to balance the internal.
For this particular week, I realised it was going to be easier said than done, as I waited to hear about some news of a loved one. It actually helped me prepare for the week ahead, knowing what I might face or deal with, while also knowing how I will manage it in light of poise and the virtue challenge. Whether good or bad news, I wanted to acknowledge but balance my internal feelings. The news didn’t come that week but it helped my mindset for the two scenarios that did happen.
Firstly, I was driving down the highway, where a big semi-trailer was swaying across the highway in the strangest way, not micro-sleeping and correcting the course as he woke, but continually swaying. When I’d assessed it might be safe to overtake, he started merging in towards me, leaving me in a near-miss situation. It was scary to say the least, but as I pulled off the highway, I could assess calmly that this truck was staying on the highway and a continued risk to others. I decided it was wise to inform the police, before a real accident happened. I was really pleased by the way that I was able to assess that with some level of balance and level-headedness. It was only after it all, I felt the adrenaline catching up!
The second half of the week, I ended up getting sick. Not the ideal time to be an image of elegance and class. Trying to be balanced on the inside when my body was literally not in balance and fighting illness, was almost comedic timing. How could I be poised when I was feeling as sick as I was? And what I learned from that was the most poised option is to focus and recover. How I came to that conclusion was when I’d decided to take on an online meeting instead of being in person, not so sick but still recovering. I was trying to show up, be reliable and poised, but because of my illness, I wasn’t communicating well. I didn’t present my thoughts well. I didn’t feel poised trying to recover from illness and be present outside my home. It made me deeply consider that being poised also means not saying yes to the things that I’m not able to show up as my best self in a poised manner. If I’m actually sick, then the most balanced thing for me to do is be in recovery and to rest my mind and body. I was learning the lesson of how to slow things down.
Elegance also means not rushing. Elegant people do not rush. It’s rare to see elegance and rushing in the same place. So I deliberately started slowing things down – simple things like slowing down the audio book I was listening to, or reading it instead, doing one task at a time like cooking, plus giving intentional time for my hobbies, like playing the piano. I exercised how to be poised by being deliberate in the choices that I was making, being present to each task. Rather than life feeling thrown together, I curated ‘togetherness’ by being deliberate and intentional, and through this internal balance you can feel it shine through in the way you present yourself. – Stina
I loved Stina’s thoughts, and while I want to add so many thoughts of my own, I think she really expressed what I am thinking. In the last virtue blog we talked about flexibility, but how do you balance that with the deliberateness of poise?
I’ve realised flexibility allows you to help others, poise allows you to help yourself. Poise can be external or internal, and currently I’ve been trying to do both. I currently have so many different things to do each day, but I’m learning it doesn’t need to be in a rush. It means to instead time-block well, lock in for work hours, be present to each person I encounter and teach each day, bring calm to the space, break bread with my family, give myself a proper evening routine (even if it is late) and ultimately entrust the rest to God for the morning. Poise allows me to be balanced in how I approach life, and not let life overtake me. I’ve learnt poise means living with the four Christian pillars of prayer, community, wellness and work. Flexibility allows me to love others and freedom to be with those others, while poise allows me to live it out all well and without the fear that if I am in good balance, God will help take care of all things each day and week, where I was not able.
Written by Stina Constantine
Founder of Virtue Ministry and keynote speaker
Co-Written by Grace Feltoe
Social media marketer and administration assistant